Over the last little while I have moved, progresses, tightened up, let go, given it a go, held on, tested, waited, generated, investigated, assumed, lied and given up.
This journey currently has no name. Why is it so? Well this ain’t very scientific but it has involved rigor of sorts. What is a name anyway? I have started something an unsure of how to end it. I have begun but with out an end in mind. I mean I have a general sense of an ending but have no clue as to what it will really be or mean.
Today I have traveled for work to spend time with a group trying to assist them to see a way to improve or change. Doing this reminded me that our journey in a way is often unclear and can be disorientating at times.
Recently I have been training if you could call it that. I started here with a descriptive of the experiences I have been enjoying and also found frustrating.
Moving is critical for my bodies health. Actually critical for my mind and emotional state too. Progress has been slow. Two forward one back comes to mind. At this rate I will be lucky to be rowing again daily within 4 years. That’s right it needs to be sooner if I am to be serious about the prospect of competing in the sport in London. Ooopppps, I guess that is the end game. What ever that really means as I can’t get my head around being in a boat daily yet. This back thing is coming along slowly. Did I already say that? Tightening up has happened and yet I am working to remain open. From a body function perspective but also mentally. This has lead me to focus on letting go. Let old ways drop away and letting fear fall away. Letting preconceived ideas about how long this would take slip from my mind. The ever present form of over use and dis-function is within. Letting that go has been key. Giving a few new things ago has been good and certainly some new activities with land based training have been enjoyable in a painful kind of way. I have held on to things to as which have kept me motivated but probably done as much harm as good. being tested has lasted since those long days in Beijing and most days I find my self having to focus on the little steps I can take to improve.
And I have waited and will continue to do so…
Love the little video and felt it appropriate given the situation to show it. So while waiting I have been generating ideas, thoughts, feelings and commitments to action. This has allowed time to investigate which I am sure will come in handy down the track. But again assumption has played it’s part and I have worked on trying to see through the ones I have held on too.
Then there have been occasion when I have lied. This is as much about honest to self as with others. Do I feel I can? Make it that is. Maybe fooling myself. Maybe lying when asked how I am going. Lying at least in part is a strategy. How’s your back? Great I say. Why, not because I have a need to present a front. Rather it is weakness. Weakness about wanting the best to come out of the depth of challenge. Maybe it relates to lying about the reality of how it feels to be working towards a long term vision, when I am aware just how far away I am. Away from an end, and away from a completion of a journey. And to that end giving up is not the option I am choosing. Giving up though somethings which won’t assist along the way. Those thing I will give up but I won’t be giving up on this no name journey. Like the little video experiment I will wait, prepare and enjoy seeing where it takes me.
Funny thing is that the capacity to wait, be patient and gain bigger rewards rather than going early, forcing the issue and cutting short the possibilities comes in handy for major events.